Day 3

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I cannot thing of one specific thing I need to forgive myself for, b/c most things that I felt bad about doing or saying, I’ve probably already forgiven myself for b/c I hate living in the past. But are there a few things I wish I had done differently, you betcha! So instead, I’ll list those.

1. Being mean to my mom. Of course, we all lose our tempers at our moms at least once in a while. Sometimes when I was younger, I honestly believed my mom’s sole purpose in life was to embarrass me. Or tell me how to do s/thing “her way” when I thought my way was justfinethankyouverymuch! But when I was about 17, I turned into this different person. Not evil, yelly, screamer teenager, but the child who came in, went to my room, shut the door, and didn’t come out. I wanted nothing to do with any of family. All I wanted was to be alone. And all my mom wanted to do was help me and care for me, but I just ignored her. I know it broke her heart. I will never get that year back. I will always look back and wish I hadn’t been such a brat to her. But now, we’re best friends and she knows I love her.
2. Saying ugly things about people and having no remorse. Yes we all gossip, but I can remember saying things about someone that I didn’t “really” mean, but I said in anger and honestly didn’t feel bad about saying it at the time. I look back now on ways I hurt people inadvertently b/c it wasn’t necessarily what I said that was the worst; it was my sucky attitude about what I said.
3. No being a better student. I could have been a straight A student if I had tried. Now anyone that knows me very well knows that I didn’t really care about grades in college. I didn’t apply myself until the last minute, and then I was doggy paddling as fast as I could to keep my head above water. In the end, it worked out for me, but I think if I had of started out on the right foot, I would have done very well.
4. All the times I had the opportunity to help someone less fortunate than me, but didn’t. My mom will tell you I have a tender heart. I care about people. I can’t watch those “adopt a dog” commercials without crying. We once passed a homeless man holding a sign that just said “hungry”. We drove right by him standing in the rain and I started crying my eyes out. I made mom go to the McDonalds drive thru and get him a cheeseburger and apples. We took it back to him, drove right up, and handed it out to him. I felt so good about what I’d done. But now I think about all the people I’ve passed with those signs that I don’t help. I know, maybe he isn’t really hungry, or maybe if I gave him money he’d go out and buy drugs. But who am I to judge him? How many times a week do I go out to eat and spend $25 on a meal, when people all around me are starving?
So there you have it. Not a happy post, but I bet it’s one we all can relate to.
Much love!!!