ugh....

Do you ever just have one of those days where all you want to do is cry?!? I rarely have those. No really, I’m not a crier. I pride myself on being a positive person 99% of the time. I may get a tad pouty or moody but for the most part, I’m not a crier on a regular basis, and when I do cry, it’s a mad rush of tears for like 5 minutes and I’m done. Now I know some of you are reading this and thinking “oh no, she’s gone crazy” and please do not think that. I am completely sane, or at least I am for the most part. :)

My computer at work is messed up for one. I play CD’s on it because I can’t get to music sites (see Blocked Domain), and all day it has repeated the same, slow, sad song over and over and over again. Now normally I would just remove the CD and sit in the quiet, but today the quiet made me want to cry even more so I opted for the sad, weepy song.

My sweet mom worries about me too, which doesn’t help. I know she is just being a mom, and she only asks because she cares, but sometimes the question “what’s wrong” is the biggest part of what is wrong. I am an emotion wearer (see Heart on My Sleeve…aka I can’t hide anything) and when everyone asks that, all I want to do is tell them there’s nothing wrong, because honestly I can’t pin point exactly what it is that makes me feel this way.

I’ve been in “big girl” city for almost 4 months now, and I adore it. I love everything about this city. The traffic doesn’t bother me, the eclectic mix of people is wonderful, the hustle and bustle of everyday life is exhilarating. So it’s not that.

I do miss my family a lot. And I miss having people around me all the time that understand me completely. I know this is part of growing up, you know, moving to a new city 4 hours from my best friend, 2+ hours from family, 3 hours from that town that housed my heart for 4 years. This is the first time in my life that nothing has transitioned with me. From high school to college, at least I still had the normalcy of school and classes, so that was a constant. But this, this is all new. I have the freedom to do whatever I want, and I love that, but hate it at the same time.

So for now, I must remember there is always a rainbow (of all the advice I’ve ever been given, I cling to that statement that most), tomorrow is another day (see Scarlet O’Hara, and yes I adore her), I have much to be thankful for, I am a very blessed individual, and God has a plan.

Much love!