I love birthdays. Like love them. I don’t love them just b/c I like getting presents. That’s really not it at all. Maybe it is the attention you get all day long by everyone who knows you. Maybe it’s the wonderful thought that you’ve successfully survived/barely came out alive of another year.
I don’t fear growing old. Me and aging, we’re good with each other. We understand that no matter how much I plead with it to stay away, she’s a comin’ to punch another hole in my time card. And normally I’m A-OK with it.
Not this year.
This year is different for me. I am dreading 23. Not because I think it’s an old age. No, 23, you numerically do not scare me. But what has me quivering in my bootz is that 23 is pure grown up age. Most people get out of college when they’re 23, and they grow up, and become rational adults.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Liz, you’ve already done those things!”. And although that may be true, my life plan is not going as planned. When I was in elementary school, in one of my Sunday school classes our teacher had us write down our life plan. Let me just tell you. All the other girls are looking at each other like “what’s a life plan?!” and I’m scribbling away at my paper like a crazy smart kid who just got his final exam. Here is how my list went (feel free to laugh at it, b/c it’s ridiculous):
1. Graduate high school as valedictorian. Yeah right. I did make straight A’s my senior year, but other than that, I was at school for the social aspect.
2. Go to a large university near my parents. Baha. I went to a small liberal arts college that is over an hour away from mom and dad. Best deviation from the said plan EVAH!
3. Meet the man of my dreams at freshman orientation. Day 1 we would know. And let’s get it straight. He wasn’t going to be my age. He was going to be a senior. Totally into those older men.
4. Drop out of college to marry said McDreamy who had since graduated law school in 2 years and was at an extremely successful firm.
5. Get married by 20, 21 at the latest (for real, that deserves laughter). Live in a house too big for a young married couple.
6. Pop out babies like a toaster pops out bread. First one starting about a year after marriage and then one every 2 years until I was bored with pregnancy or when we ran out of space in our massive house. I know I know. My how things change.
7. Live happily ever after.
Yall that was legitimately my list. And I am a “go getter” so I had every intention of doing it exactly like that.
People say that God laughs at well thought out plans. Well God plus every angel in heaven had a field day with my list. Let’s examine the things on it that HAVE happened. Ready GO! Ok so now that you’re done, you will concur that NOT ONE of those things has happened.
Up to this point, I had been totally fine with that. But now I’m a real adult. Granted, I don’t want the same exact things as I did when I was 10. Do I still want some of them? Hecksyes! So this “age” meltdown isn’t about getting older. It’s about me being super OCD and freaking frack when things aren’t just so.
“For such a time as this…” is one of my favorite phrases. Queen Esther from the bible said that. I can relate to her. She moved away from her family to a place where she knew no one b/c she knew it was the right thing and was what God had in His heart for her. And He blessed her. She didn’t understand what God was doing in the beginning, but God allowed her to help save her ppl and she knew God had placed her where she was “for such a time as this” and I know it’ll happen for me.
And maybe, just maybe, 23 is the year it’ll happen.
Bring it on Father Time.
Yay for Wondrous Wednesday! Do something nice for someone!
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